I have been reading my older blog posts and thought of writing down some reflections.
When I started this blog I envisaged a description of a journey. Something that would capture what I was going through, and also describe treatments, state of mind and progress (if any). Reading back, I don't feel like I hit the mark. The sad thing is that I was never going to be able to. A big problem with bipolar disorder is that the flashes of inspiration, and the moments when one can write descriptively and eloquently are brief, and for the last few years in my case, far between. Most of the time that I have sat down at the computer to write, my brain has been mush.
It make the whole thing seem somewhat pointless. But, second guessing myself (as I constantly do), maybe this is just a particularly bad moment with my disorder, and I should just persevere.
There are many positives in my life right now. I have stopped all prescription medications since October 2018, and don't feel too bad. My head feels more clear than messed up, and the prevailing sadness has withdrawn a little. While this may sound like it's not such a big deal, I can assure you that it is. Considering that I don't have a job, and hence no income and I get constantly rejected when I apply for jobs, and my children hardly ever take my calls, to be in the mildly ok state that I am currently in is tremendous progress.
I guess that I'll keep going with this blog and try to determine some better ways to add value to the lives of fellow sufferers. Because, ultimately, that is what I wanted this to be.
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